Sunday, November 4, 2007

Cats.

After reading Marquita’s (Ranch wife on her blog entitled Musings Of A Ranch Wife, it’s on the side panel of my blog, I highly suggest reading it) post about her view towards felines, I felt the need to stick up for the poor creatures! Or maybe I’m bored and thought I should talk about cats.

Kitties. Poor, misunderstood creatures. You know, Marquita, you once told me that it took a special person to love a weiner dog. Well I’m gonna throw your own words back at you- it takes an extra special person to love a kitty. Yes, ma’am, by golly it sure does! I am not a cat fanatic to be honest. But I have been known to grow slightly fond of a select few. I mean… come on. When they are kittens, well, to be quite frank, nobody can resist the irresistible, innocent, trusting gaze those little monsters throw at you.

Some of them, that is. I must admit, Sara & Marquita, your kitties sound quite the demon cats. But it isn’t their fault! They have probably rarely been handled, and therefore do not understand the human ways! *emotional sobs*

Tee hee. I’m having fun with this.

Anyway. We have tons of cats. When we got here there were about 35 or so. Now we are down to… 20 or so I guess. Some are wild, and well, we just leave them alone and they leave us alone, end of story. We feed them every night, but that’s it. And some of them are docile and tend to be a pain in the butt. They climb the screens on the windows and shriek pitifully at your window, offering pathetic looks. They linger around our front step, crying and banging against the door and running under your feet every time you try to either exit or enter the house.

Most people can just open the door and leave. I arm myself with a broom (Kitty-Swatter-07, to be exact), a steel-toed boot, and super-duper leather welding gloves. I sling open the door, pop one kitty in the chest with my boot and send it flying across the sidewalk, swat another with a broom causing it to yowl and scamper away, and grab one by a hind leg that squeezed past to toss it into the yard, all at once.

Repeat as many times as necessary or until the opportunity to squeeze out the door arrives.

But sometimes they really are sweet and cuddly. But something about bringing a cat inside turns them evil. Zoey was sweet and cuddly. Now she swats and hisses and growls and bites. But I blame it allll on Tyler. He is always chasing after her, and grabbing her, and holding her hostage in his lap, forcing her to lay there, and pinning her legs so she can’t scratch. All the while uttering sweet nothings into her ear, as if she will seriously calm down and grow to love him. So she is a mean cat now. If you let her come to you, she’s fine. But unless she does, she wants to be away from you. My brother doesn’t understand this. Maybe his tiny brain is incapable of processing such a simple matter.

Cat runs away = cat doesn’t want you.
Leave cat alone = happy cat, nobody gets hurt.
Chase after kitty = mad cat, somebody will get hurt.
Kitty comes to you = wants to be petted and loved on, this is the time to love on kitty.
Kitty scratches, bites, hisses, yowls and growls = KITTY HATES YOU, SO LEAVE HER ALONE.

Sorry. But nobody in my house listens when I try to explain this simple little Rules Of The House Cat to them. But that’s nothing unusual. So whatever.

Huckleberry was also sweet. Now he is a playful monster who chews off toes and claws out eyes. The only time he is really and truly sweet is when he first wakes up. Then he’s a purring, cuddle, irresistible cute kitty cat. Until he sees the bottle. Then it’s like, “BOTTLE! Give. Me. The. BOTTLE! Food, food, food, food!”

Kitties are funny in the way that they will play with ANYTHING. Watch ‘em, really. Our 3 month old kittens outside, for instance. Let’s say a leaf falls from a tree. “It’s a LEAF! ATTACK! It’s gonna EAT us! Ooh, ooh, watch it Fuzz, it has teeth! Yeah, teeth. Oh no! AARGH! It’s attacking us! Let’s fight back!” *pounces and eats leaf* “It’s okay! I ate it! I saved everybody!”

I’m having alot of fun with this, can you tell?

Cats are independent. It's just the way they are. They are cats. It is their nature. They have quirks... Cats can be cool. Or... aggressive. Depends on the individual cat I guess.

My point is. Cats can be evil, in many ways. Er, I mean, independent. But… They can also be sweet. And cute. And cuddly. Sometimes. For brief moments. (Enjoy those moments—it may be a while before precious Kitty-Kitty has another one.)

5 comments:

Sara said...

HAHA!! this post seriously cracked me up!!!

Caitlin said...

LOL really? I didn't think it was one of my better ones...

Sara said...

oh it was great! hehe! I was seriously laughing.

Caitlin said...

Well... I am here for your amusement. =D

Anonymous said...

So cool! Thanks.