"Mom's Not Home- We Should Behave"

My brother and I always get along better if Mom is not home. I'm not sure if this is normal or not; according to sitcoms where every stinkin time the parents leave the house the teens throw a party, and of course, they get caught. But, if we all lived by the examples sitcoms sit, this would be a sick, sick world. Well, I guess it is a sick world because the people who make those sitcoms actually get their ideas from the very earth we live on! Okay, back on subject...

Tyler, aka Bro, is 16 years of age (almost 17) and 2 months shy of being 3 years older than me. (Right now we are in those glorious two months when I can say I'm 14 and he's 16 and it only seems like he is two years older than me.) We tend to bicker.

Wow! A brother and sister? Actually argue? Oh, yes, shocker...

We're not terribly awful. He does get under my skin sometimes but I'm getting better about picking my battles with him; I only get really furious when he starts cussing.... BAD. Most days, we get along great with the exception of the occasional "MOOOOOM!", the "Jerk!" and fist in the belly/finger in the eye.

The odd thing is, we always seem to get along so much better whenever Mom is not in the house. My Daddy works long hours, managing a ranch with 1400 head of cattle and 45 head of horses, and is hardly ever in the house during the day except for mealtimes. So when Mom leaves for the morning or afternoon or, extremely rare, entire day, Tyler and I are pretty much by ourselves. For instance, the other day Mom went to pick corn with some friends of hers. (Yeah, that's their idea of fun. Why, you ask? Easy... she's ol- OUCH! Sorry, Mom...) Tyler actually pitted and quarted the plums for my Plum Crumble dessert, dried the dishes I washed, and never said a harsh thing all day.

It's like this every time Mom leaves the house. She now says she needs to leave home more often if we behave so beautifully when she is away.

What funky gene do we have that possesses us to act so terrible towards each other when Mom is in the house, but behave like little angels the instant she disappears? It's a mystery to me. Maybe we're just afraid of Lecture #4.

"I have been gone for an entire 6 hours, and you have done nothing! The dishes are not done, the laundry is still sitting on the armchair, your algebra isn't completed, the trash-overflow hasn't been taken out yet, and you did not vacuum the front room!"

Ugh. I hate that lecture. So we decide we are going to impress her and get it alllll done before she gets home so she can be proud. I scrub those dishes within half an inch of their life, until no germs or bacteria dare exist upon the surface of them for fear of being scrubbed to smitherines. I fold every garment in that mountain of laundry, iron what needs to be and make sure everything goes in it's proper drawer, and is folded properly with beautiful and perfect creases. I take 20 minutes to vacuum an 8x4 foot space, heck I even sweep the kitchen and dining room until there is not a cat hair or speck of dirt existent. Tyler takes out that trash and all other trash in the house, burns it in the barrels and actually puts a new trash bag in the trash can; and we both do every stinkin probem in our algebra lesson, careful to print our numbers neatly.

Yes, people, we take paintstaking measures to please our mother. Er, that is... On her days away.

Why this impulse to instill pride within our mother does not arrive until she has left the premisis, I guess I'll never know. I'm trying harder to be good while she is here too... But why it seems easier to be a good kid when she isn't around, I dunno. Then again, maybe I do.

Personally, I think that it's because while I'm doing one Good-Kid-Thing, she is telling me about two other Good-Kid-Things I need to do. When she isn't here, they do get done like she insists they won't if she doesn't constantly tell me about it. I think they get done because I feel I can get it done in my own time, I'm doing it of free will, and don't feel pressured to do it.

So anyways, Mom is home and I think for the time being I will put off the Good-Kid-Things and just browse some blogs.

Maybe you'll get another random episode of "Life According to Caitlin" later on.