Thursday, September 13, 2007

Hysterical Hysteria

Have ya'll ever heard of this game by the name of "Dutch Blitz"? It's a card name, and there's four decks, each with a different colored symbol on the back to keep them seperate. Like a green pump, blue plow, yellow bucket, and red... er, something or other, I can't remember. And each deck has 1-10 in each color category, green, blue, yellow and red. They are also marked with boys or girls on the front. You have different piles of cards- wood piles, blitz piles, post piles and Dutch piles. Can you already see how complicated this is? I got it for my birthday in July and it took us forever to figure it out, but not that we know how it works, it's very easy and lots of fun. We always play atleast one game every day- it's extremely addicting.

However, there should be a warning label on the package.

CAUTION: In some cases may cause uncontrollable, ridiculous laughter and endless hysteria.

No joke people. I don't know what does it, but Mom and I get into these laughing fits that just aren't funny. Really! It has some kind of magic dust sprinkled on the cards that make you say stupid things that would normally be ignored, but in the presence of Blitz cards, makes the other player(s) burst out into laughter.

And I'm not talking giggles and chuckles, people. I'm talking the kind of laughter where you just can't breathe and you're afraid you're gonna hyperventilate and it just hurts so bad. Can you rupture your gut laughing? Sometimes it sure feels like it... It's like getting the wind knocked out of you, your trying to suck in air but your airway it blocked. It's kind of scary, and so you stop laughing and nearly choke yourself gulping air.

I wonder if this kind of hysterical laughing builds up your abs. Those are the muscles you use, right? Atleast, that's where it hurts...

Have you ever been with a group of friends and you all get to laughing, or even one friend? And you kind of don't want to laugh because your friend(s) has one of those pretty, proper laughs that doesn't sound gross? Yeah... I have that kind of laugh that makes people go "Please! Stop!". It's like a mix of grunting, guffaws, snorts and little hiccup-like-things thrown in with a dash of Goofy (from Disney channel) laugh. It sounds like a wild hog fight or something. It's not pretty, and it's not proper.

And occasionally you get to where you're not even laughing. You don't know what it is because but these weird noises that are unknown to the human world are escaping your mouth like some weird alien language. It's not even laughter... It's like, hysterical hysteria. There. That's as bad as it gets, people. Not uncontrollable laughter. You know something is wrong when hysteria has taken complete control over your whole body, and your convulsing on the floor praying for oxygen.

And sometimes you get into these giggly modes where you just laugh at everything. This happened once when we were playing Dutch Blitz. We had just been laughing about something, can't remember what, and I realized the kitten was on the table. So I got up and picked her up off the table...

Me: Zoey, get your fat butt off the table! *picks up kitten*
Zoey: reawwwwrrrrr
Me: Well you are! Fat, that is.
Zoey: reeeeeeyrrryrrrr
Me: Okay, fine, you're curvy
Zoey: meurrr
Mom: *bursts into hysterical fits of laughter*
Me: Okay! Fine! Skinny! As a stick!
Zoey: *relaxes* merr-ur (better!)

Apparantly, it was the whole telling the cat she had curves that set off the laugh bomb. Because watching Mom rock in her chair laughing just was contagious and pretty soon I was doing the same, and Dad and the cat were sitting there watching us like "what is wrong with them?"

Lots of things.

So very many things.

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